It is a sad fact of life, that as we move through our lives, we meet many people, some we become very close to, others are just acquaintances who stay in our lives for a short time and leave again.
When we work with people in our jobs, we become close to some and not to others, depending on the type of work, which often dictates the level of actual friendship with work colleagues as opposed to a working relationship.
Others we meet become firm friends, a kind of connection that is not broken by distance or absence, but remains strong, and one picks up a conversation with them again whether it be a few hours or a few years between conversations. Comfortable friendships that demand nothing and expect nothing, but believe in each other without question. I have been blessed with this kind of friendship a few times in my life, and these, I believe, are true friends. My lifelong friend, who I met when I was 5 years old, is one of these true friends. It can be years between our conversations, and yet we pick up our friendship as easily as if we spoke only the day before. We understand each other just as we did growing up together, attending school together, sharing our secrets, our fears, our dreams.
There are also those with whom one may have worked and developed a kind of “kinship” with in relation to a particular job. My experience in Early Childhood Education was that the beautiful women with whom I worked, were the most loving, kind, considerate and generous women you could hope to meet anywhere, and whilst I was close to some, and not so close to others, we shared a common bond in the children for whom we cared, passing them from one room to the next as the children grew. The common caring for those children, formed a strong bond, not only with the children, but with each other as well. Of course, there were the “catty” times, and the little cliques that developed from time to time, but when push came to shove, we were a team, and we stood up for each other, and looked out for each other. There was a feeling of belonging, and of “sisterhood” within the group, which, unfortunately, became fragmented once the group was broken up by members leaving and moving on. My memory of my time within that group will be with me forever as a happy, productive and satisfying time in my life. The beautiful young, and not so young, women with whom I was privileged to work, remain forever a part of my heart. I learnt such a lot from many of them, not only in the area of Early Childhood, but of life as well, as we came from diverse and culturally different backgrounds. Indeed a joyful, sometimes funny, sometimes sad, sometimes frustrating, but always gratifying, time in my life.
Sometimes we are part of a group, and for a time, that group is the center of our focus and we are totally immersed and involved within the group. This I experienced within a church we attended at one time. The church group became the most important thing to us, outside of our family, and we were enfolded within the group. However, that group proved to be somewhat different, in that when there was disagreement within the group, we were immediately “put outside” the enfolding embrace of the entire group. A kind of “mob mentality” took over and ranks were closed behind us, leaving us on the outside, never to be allowed back in. This is a particularly destructive, hurtful kind of “friendship” to experience. One memory from this time stands out. We had attended a service as usual on Sunday morning, and we had been approached by several members, embracing us, telling us how blessed they felt to have us as friends and part of the congregation. And yet, only days later, when the split came, these same people passed us by in the street as though they did not know us. I guess it’s life’s lessons that one sometimes must learn the hard way. If you make a stand, against a strong group, the group will turn on you to protect itself. Sadly, this has proved to be so.
It is also a truism, that we move on in life, leaving behind people we have met and shared part of our lives with. There is no maliciousness in this, it is very simply that we move on. Of course, we intend to stay in touch, we say we will stay in touch, but after a time it becomes harder and harder to relate, and we drift apart. Our lives take different paths, and the thing that may have held us together originally is lost and our lives are too far apart from each other to regain what once was. And perhaps that is the way it’s meant to be. We move in and out of relationships, friendships, leaving behind hopefully a happy memory of ourselves for those that no longer form part of our lives.
It would certainly be my hope that those who I once knew, would remember me fondly, with a smile, not with any regret, just a smile at some silly thing we may have shared together. Browne with an “e” and Rooke with an “e” for example (Aly if you read this you will know what I am referring to!) Or Rosie and Tracy – silly nonsensical things, that form part of a friendship only the two of you know about! (Annie you get this one). A slip of paper with some words, passed each morning between two friends (Nat you know this one) A Milkshake left on a desk at 6:30 in the morning brought by a DJ who understood (Peter H you know about this one) A single yellow rose delivered to my desk every morning at 10:30 for a whole week – silly things that at the time mean so much, and yet now, years later, are just a memory.
These are the different levels of friendship one experiences during one’s lifetime – the passing and the permanent, the true friends and the associates. One’s life is a patchwork of different experiences, some savoured and treasured, some best forgotten. All life is a stage, so they say, and we are actors in the play. I think it’s more complex than that, for the simple reason that WE are complex. Humans are complex, many faceted beings, no two the same, different yet alike, similar yet dissimilar. I may not experience the same things in my life, that you do, yet I can understand and sympathise, empathise and support, and you can do the same for me. Humans need other humans, we need to feel love and acceptance from those with who we have contact.
If you can’t love me, at least accept me.
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The Wendy Diaries 